You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
