So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk is a universal language darling
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
