I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
