She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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