Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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