in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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