I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
