My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
