i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
