why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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