i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
