There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
