Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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