i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
