and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
