I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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