Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
