Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
