sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
