so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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