grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
