You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
