I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
