But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
