cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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