literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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