We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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