sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
