What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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