Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
