Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
