Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
