Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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