no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
