Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got chris browned last night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
