i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
