Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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