I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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