You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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