remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
