I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
