Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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