We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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