Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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