Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
