I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you win again, gameday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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