I wish life had little blips of pornography
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
