I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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