My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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