Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
