i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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