dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
