So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
