I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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