He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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