I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
