Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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