you would pick up someone in the library
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
