you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
