just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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