the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
