just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
